Best Snide Story

American Voter

(written and performed by George A. Denino

with apologies to Stephen Sondheim and Leonard Bernstein)

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Dear 2020 voter, you gotta understand,
Trump is a bullshit floater, a tweeting one-man band.
His mother didn’t want him, his dad sent him away.
But he owns the GOP today.

American voter, the handwriting’s plain.
With Trump the Constitution’s being flushed down the drain.
He holds up a Bible, but owns a white hood.
Deep down inside him, he’s no good.

He’s no good, he’s no good,
He’s no stinkin' good.
Like his Senate allies, he’s no good.

(Spoken) That’s a scary story.
Gotta tell it to the world! Better yet, I’ll post it on the web.

Addicted Facebook readers, The Donald is a tool.
He works with bottom-feeders who tell him that he’s cool.
They kiss his ass to please him, but if they dare to stray,
Just like clockwork, they will hear him say,

“He’s a loser. I hardly knew him. He only worked for me for a short time.”

Oh, bamboozled voter, you’re certainly square;
You think Trump’s gonna help you, but he just doesn’t care.
It’s not a neurosis that oughta be curbed.
He’s psychologic’ly disturbed!

He’s disturbed, he’s disturbed, he’s the most disturbed,
He’s a narcissist, and he’s disturbed!

In the opinion of this blogger, Donald J. Trump is a disaster as president on account he only cares about Donald J. Trump. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Here’s what he says about himself.

“Let me tell you. The one that matters is me. I'm the only one that matters. Because when it comes down to it, that's what the policy is going to be.”

But when asked about his policy decisions on the COVID-19 pandemic, he said,

“I take no responsibility. I’ve been right all along. We’ve done an amazing job.”

I’m pretty sure that one hundred-eighty thousand dead Americans would dispute those words if they could. Instead, I'll sing a plausible, fictitious testimonial from another nation's leader.

Dear kamerad Trumpke, Im so proud of you;
You follow my agenda, but what else can you do.
There’s no other option, for you no escape,
Because I have the pee-pee tape.

He’s owned; there’s no disputin’. We see it in his tweets.
He takes his cues from Putin, and then he gladly cheats.
If he is reelected, the rule of law is gone.
Voter, get that Trump sign off your lawn!

American voter, I’m begin’ you, “Please!
Don’t give our country four more years of Donald Trump sleaze.”
The nation’s survival depends upon you.
American voter,
Vote Blue!

Juvenile Delinqency

The juxtaposition of a four month old comment by Donald J. Trump with an even older comic strip is a damning indictment of the mind of the juvenile delinquent who currently befouls the Oval Office.

The Comment

(April 8, 2020)

Donald Trump admitted on Monday that making it easier to vote in America would hurt the Republican party.

The president made the comments as he dismissed a Democratic-led push for reforms such as vote-by-mail, same-day registration and early voting as states seek to safely run elections amid the Covid-19 pandemic. Democrats had proposed the measures as part of the coronavirus stimulus. They ultimately were not included in the $2.2tn final package, which included only $400m to states to help them run elections.

“The things they had in there were crazy. They had things, levels of voting that if you’d ever agreed to it, you’d never have a Republican elected in this country again,” Trump said during an appearance on Fox & Friends.

Donald Trump in the Rose Garden at the White House on Sunday. 

Photograph: REX/Shutterstock

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The Cartoon

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Fifteen minutes after I published this post I came across another cartoon that validates the initial comparison.

Bonus Cartoon

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Paint Your Wagon Blue

The Donald Is A Liar

(a parody written and sung to by George A. Denino with apologies to Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe)

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Oh when you vote November third the stakes can’t be much higher.
Joe Biden is an honest man, The Donald is a liar
The liar blows the facts around and sets his base a-flyin’.
The liar makes corona sound like no one’s out there dyin’.

A liar, a liar, The Donald is a liar.

Before we knew the liar’s game, we heard his wailin’ whinin’,
We thought that voters used their brains, but on red meat they were dinin’.
Republicans have lost their souls, a narcissist they follow,
And now the rule of law is gone and the Constitution’s hollow.

A liar, a liar, The Donald is a liar.

November third we have a choice; it's truth or more confusion.
So if you think your vote won’t count, you’ve bought a false illusion.
We’ll get the leader we deserve, we voters are the choosers.
Joe Biden’s truth, or Moscow Mitch and Donald’s cheatin’ losers?

A liar, a liar, The Donald is a liar.
A liar, a craven liar! Fuck the GOP.

Going Postal

Ode DeJoy

(written and sung by George A. Denino, with apologies to Ludwig von Beethoven)

He’ll delay your mail-in ballot
Slow things down so Trump can win.
Your prescription? Not his problem.
Tell it to your next of kin.
He’ll force you to vote in person,
Catch corona, maybe die;
Such a tiny sacrifice so
Louis can support the lie.
Though you may die,
He’ll never cry.
And your death will surely validate his campaign buy.

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Coming To Terms With Religion in America

Christianity or Sanctimonious Cultism?

Definitions:

freedom of religion: The right to choose a religion (or no religion) without interference by the government. Freedom of religion is guaranteed by the First Amendment (see also First Amendment) to the Constitution. (See separation of church and state.)

Christian: Etymology - The Greek word Χριστιανός (Christianos), meaning "follower of Christ", comes from Χριστός (Christos), meaning "anointed one",[13] with an adjectival ending borrowed from Latin to denote adhering to, or even belonging to, as in slave ownership.[14] In the Greek Septuagint, christos was used to translate the Hebrew מָשִׁיחַ (Mašíaḥ, messiah), meaning "[one who is] anointed."[15] In other European languages, equivalent words to Christian are likewise derived from the Greek, such as Chrétien in French and Cristiano in Spanish.

cargo cult noun: any of various Melanesian religious groups characterized by the belief that material wealth (such as money or manufactured goods) can be obtained through ritual worship 

The American Constitution grants and guarantees freedom of religion to its citizens, a majority of which profess to be Christians. Yet one would hardly recognize the political policies and cultural actions embraced by today's evangelical Christians as in any way consistent with the words and actions of the Christ they claim to follow.

The anointed one of the New Testament is the exemplar of the bleeding heart liberal today's evangelical Christians mock.

He gave His life for others. They proclaim the superiority of conservative values and trickle-down economics in order to begrudge every penny collected and spent on those less fortunate than themselves.

Misled by wolves in shepherd's clothing in a church aligned with a political party whose policies are shaped by greed, the sheep of America's self-righteous right have turned Christianity into little more than a capitalistic version of a cargo cult with Donald Trump as their messiah.

A Prescient Peanuts Prognostication

Play Ball

Charles Schulz died on February 12, 2000. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was ten years old, and acceptable behavior for women was still defined by a culture which generally viewed them as inferior to men. If women didn't like that situation, they were free to complain, but they were undeniably expected to play ball politely in a game with rules rooted in male chauvinism.

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In a series of comic strips inked in 1973, Schulz foreshadowed the day when women like AOC would reject culturally assigned second-class citizenship and respond to belittling attacks by chauvinistic men not with polite acquiescence, but with strength and conviction.

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Killing Two Birds

Snowflakes

With a single word, this Jesus & Mo comic posits a beautiful, crystal clear, ice-cold refutation of the Creationist argument against evolution and demonstrates how zealots use claims of victimhood when they are confronted by facts and logic.

link to all Jesus & Mo comics

Trump, The Pitcher

Trump's Situational Pitch Selection

Fast Ball

Shortly before Dr. Anthony Fauci threw a wild first pitch at the Washington Nationals season opener against the New York Yankees on July 27, Donald Trump announced at a White House briefing that he had been asked to throw out the first pitch for the Yankees at a game on August 15.

Curve

Trump was pitching a a lie, of course; but using Trumpian logic, he could legitimately claim his pitch was superior to Dr. Fauci's wide toss because his lie hit its target and deflected attention away from the doctor and toward himself.

Slider

When the news broke that the Yankees had actually never asked Trump to throw out a first pitch, he announced that he had cancelled his mound appearance because he was booked solid on August 15, the day on which it had never been scheduled to occur. 

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The Umpire's Calls

Balk

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Screwball

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Trump's Favorite Pitch